Monday, November 5, 2012

Mustache Meter

BREAKING NEWS: Julie and Joe are engaged! Seeing my Juice so happy makes me wish I could break dance! I think that might be the only way to fully express my joy at this moment and I am feeling stifled by my awkward white girl dance moves! Let's all give a cheer to the universe for making this happen, cause these two have moves, FOREVER AND EVER:

I just got called out for wearing Airwalks. Yeah, shit, I'm wearing Airwalks. I remember spending $70 on awesome (read this as: hideous) green ones to impress some kid I didn't even know that I overheard talking about Airwalks in 7th grade and here I am. I am just not feeling like a grown-up lady and trying to wrap my brain around it. My new airwalks are nothing like these but still ugly! I can't wait for the election to be over! I'm voting but not interested in talking about it and I know you don't care about my opinions so I'll keep them to myself other than my beliefs that nothing will change without campaign finance reform and it is no one else's business how you marry, even if they want to marry Airwalks, circa 1997:

Brad just told me he's growing a mustache and asked me what style he should grow. Yes, mustaches are so cliche and sooo hipster, but I would not think of turning this kind of opportunity down so take your hatin' and rub it in a mustache that smells like a cigar.  I told him I need to do some research. Feedback?

1. The most likely candidate, wide and fiery red (Brad is a ginger beard!). I have weird feelings for Seth Green! He's so tiny like an imp! Party Monster!

2. Or just a little 'stashe? Aewhh, I am actually, literally (and using the word literally literally) nauseated just looking at this. Challenge: can you look right at it for 3 full seconds?

3. And here is where this all devolves into the highlights of my google image search and I am reminded of the beauty and creative power of the human race. This also reminds me of when Mike Malloy created a full ring on his face by connecting his unibrow to his sideburns to his chinstrap and it was magical. Brad is hairy but he's no wolverine - perhaps he tries this one but throws 'em over his shoulder and connects them to his angel wings? TMI?

 4. This is just beautiful. I like to read it as "What is the meaning of life? Is there a purpose to all this? What is my role in this beautiful and complicated existence?", but I may be projecting.

5. And, scene.

 Laughter is the best medicine, besides Oxycontin.

My family is dealing with some annoying shit this week- my mom lost her job (she has another, so she'll survive but she loved that job and aargh), my grandmother was physically forced into a nursing home this week (which traumatized everyone) and we are trying to make some decisions about buying a business, etc... it's all nothing compared to the real problems and I'm mostly avoiding it but leads to an excess of wanting to be distracted and HOLYSHIT I'm great at that! If you have gotten this far you may be searching for the same thing! Apologizing appears to be a theme! I have wasted your precious, precious time yet again. You're welcome and I love your face.

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