Saturday, December 29, 2012

Top Whatever Lists

2012! It's almost over. This year was seriously a great one for me. I don't actually have any problems, which I try not to gloat about (because who wants to hear about how someone else doesn't have any problems? Oh, you? Let's talk!) but I just want to say that I don't take it for granted. My job is the best, my friends are incredible, my husband is super tolerant of my bullshit and is super funny, and I put in place my self-imposed fake "happiness project" which basically involved seeing live music again. And it all added up to a great year. And I've been doing my thang, and meeting some new people, reconnecting with some old friends, and it has made me intensely happy.  2012. Yes, I love you.

So,  I've made some "end of year" lists because any tradition that involves lists is one I can get behind.

I have not really watched much tv in my adult life, but this year I've been doing some serious catching up and duh!? Tv is much better than it used to be and everyone was right.

5. Boardwalk Empire - terrible characters (seriously, everyone is a bad guy?) but Prohibition era shit gets me and it is exciting to see what people will do when they are solid, selfish evil. Richard Harrow!
4. Girls - celebrating being fucked up and unsuccessful! So honest it makes me cringe.
3. Dexter - I'm not even fully caught up on this show but it's just so smooooth. I even really like the opening credits.  I never thought I could fall in love with a serial killer.
2. Game of Thrones - I avoided this show because I've never really been into fantasy, suspense or you know, dragons.  But I learned that I'm a big nerd and I love it. I named our groundhog Daenerys Targaryen, and that is why I no longer hate wildlife.
1. Homeland - Maybe this is just because I watched both full seasons in 3 days, but I guess that speaks volumes. I literally danced around and made up a song when Brad agreed that we should never go to bed and stay up and watch them all.  I also love Claire Danes and her superhuman facial expressions and this made my day (actually it made me ignore the people I was at the bar with and stare at my phone for 15 minutes, cause I'm polite like that).

2013 - I am looking forward to watching Breaking Bad, Mad Men and Downton Abbey (hopefully losing months of my life watching it all in a row), the return of Game of Thrones. Anyone have them on DVD?

No, I'm not talking about movies this year. 

I used the very scientific method of choosing my favorite bands of 2012 by looking at my play count, not my heart.  Because I'm heartless.

7. The Tallest Man on Earth - quick, folky, poetic and somewhat nonsensical, it's a feast for mine ears. I like to listen to it when I run, but I'm a weirdo about running music.
6. Dr. Dog - Their newest album, Be The Void, is great and I've spent more time this year exploring their back catalog. No tour dates around here at this time, wah. Crossing my fingers for this summer.
5. Good Old War - Early 2012 saw a serious GOW addiction and a few really fun shows.
4. The Civil Wars - I am not usually a big fan of a female voice (with Ali Wadsworth and Leslie Feist being the main exceptions for many moons) but Joy Williams has one of those voices that stabs me straight in the heart and makes the back of my neck tingle. Chills. I know this is from last year.
3. Toy Soldiers - I think I may have seen them more than any other band this year. Their live shows are high-energy fun times. Plus, they come to Lancaster a LOT, which brings me lots of joy!

2. Jack White - a perennial favorite. Blunderbuss delivers. I've still never seen JW live, sigh.

1. The Districts - Best find of the year, hands down. I found that I have listened to one song 108 times. People have been making fun of me for liking them so much, but I have no shame and make no apologies.  I've seen them live 6 times in the past 3 months and can't wait to see them again. Their singer, a 17 year-old kid that you might want to take home in your pocket, has another one of those chills-down-the-spine voices, but big and strong when it should be. 

Looking forward to in 2013:  The Toy Soldiers new album, conversion of Tellus360 into a cool, new music venue for my friendly town, lots of Districts shows before they move to the big city or go on tour far, far away from here.

Things I didn't like in 2012

This list is not going to make any sense, because some of this shit isn't even from 2012.
5. The Wire - Brad and I tried to watch this and totally couldn't get into it. I KNOW?! Da fuck? Everyone says this show is the shit and I couldn't even make myself pay attention. Tell me if I should keep trying. I watched 9 episodes of season 1 so far.
4. Photo sessions - I quit them. I love the people and catching up with people was actually really fulfilling, but it all just became too much with work, school and my laziness. Maybe I will do them again, but for now, I'm happy just taking pictures of bands and parties and editing when I feel like it (or when I'm drunk. It's actually fun for me to drunk edit, what a loser). I don't actually "not like" them, I was just feeling overwhelmed and am incredibly relieved to have some real days off. 
3. Twilight, The Hobbit, get the fuck out of here.
2. My braces - another thing I don't really hate but will be happy to be rid of! Though I will miss asking people if I have food in my teeth when I have a shitton of food in my teeth and being immature (jk, immaturity for life.)
1. Semi-automatic weapons. Any weapons, really.

Things I liked in 2012

5 -  My job. I know. Obnoxious. But my co-workers are awesome and my students are seriously great this year and I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found something I like and am good at that gives me money and liberal time off. 
4 - Twitter.  I know. You might think I'm lame-o, but there are a lot of funny people on there.If you do it Jocelyn Plums, Josh Gondelman and Brendan OHare make me laugh so much and it is odd/awesome that some people's exact skill set is consistently making funny, inappropriate jokes at 140 characters or less, but it works. I'm way less productive because now I have way less time for boredom!
3 - My new house - We now have reliable heat, central air conditioning, a monster yard for super parties, a killer 80's basement with my precious jukebox, Lititz is really a perfect little town and I'm all "Kumbaya, in the middle of our street, our house".
2 - Seeing my friends all the time. There have been years where I would only see people every month or two and that SUCKS. Due to showers, bachelorettes, weddings, 30th birthdays, etc... I've spent more time with my friends this year than any year in recent memory and I've loved it. I also decided that I do not care at all about the drive to Philly because it's a great excuse to buy a new album and listen to it alone, on repeat if needed, and quench my thirst for something new. I enjoy the drive (except that time when I lost my car in south philly and me and rose had to walk around looking for it playing Dude, Where's my Car, and then there was flooding on all the on-ramps to the highways so I drove around in the city for two hours before I could get out. That was just last week but it was awful!)
1 - My pretend happiness project. My word to the wise (Shouldn't it be "word from the wise"? or maybe "Word to the unwise"?) is to think about the thing that makes you happiest, (art, music, writing or RPG or remote control cars or something) and figure out why you're not doing it (I mean, if you're not doing it). My favorite, favorite thing -boating- well, I don't have a boat or the money to do that so it was pretty clear why it wasn't happening. But after that, what I love and makes me giddy is live music. There was no good reason I wasn't doing it, other than no one around me was doing it and I wasn't putting in the effort to find the bands I wanted to go see and just going. So I changed it, and couldn't be happier about that. I will make no apologies about making the effort to do the thing that makes me happy, cause I only have this one life, ya know? As long as the thing you want to do isn't serial killing or crystal meth, I guess. My theory doesn't work for everyone.
Blastoff - You.

Any suggestions for things I should watch, listen to, do, etc... ?  Me and a friend have a new secret (not really secret) internet project in the works and someday I'll let you in on it. It's gonna be good. We have some work ahead of us! Happy 2013 and thanks for reading all this!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

About the braces (with grotesque pics)

SO. I have braces. Not those clear, barely detectable totally adult in.vis.a.lign braces that only your closest friends know you have. No. I have metal mouth, tinsel teeth, train tracks, incredibly visible, hideous budget braces. This fact makes me 100% sure you already knew this.

(don't get me started about the grammar issue with this picture. I did not make it.)

But why?

My dentist suggested when I was young that I should have braces and my mom immediately dismissed it.  I know my teeth were never really terrible, but someone who shall remain nameless called me "dinosaur teeth" and they are jacked and I've always disliked them.  So when Brad's new insurance had adult orthodontic coverage I was all "mmmyup".

I am actually as surprised as anyone, to be honest. Brad mentioned that I could get braces if I wanted, mentioned it again a week later, (which I use as my argument that he wanted me to get them. Why mention it on two different occasions? I did it for YOU!) my coworker who has the same insurance told me the name of the place that her kids go.  I called on a Monday and had the braces by Friday.  Wham!

He thinks I look like a seventh grader and I don't really disagree.  The clear ones were about 4 grand more and would taken double the time (I should have these for 12 to 18 months, and the clear would have been 3 years! no thanks!), so I didn't really think that was an option. I kinda liked the idea of having a badass attitude and not giving a shit about a mouthful of metal.  My adult braces comrades promised me I wouldn't regret them.

At first, I was really excited, then they fucking stabbed the shit out of my mouth and I was fairly regretful, then I couldn't eat shit because my teeth were all loose and lost 7 pounds in 10 days so I was excited again (that didn't last - don't get too excited about braces as a weight loss strategy)!  They don't hurt or really bother me anymore. Unless I'm talking to someone I don't really know and then I'm embarrassed, even though I tell myself not to be and I have nothing to be ashamed of.  They are just ugly. I had convinced myself that in my life I'm not really trying to impress people, but I guess that's just not completely true. Also, food gets stuck in them, I think my teeth look super yellow (maybe because I constantly drink coffee, iced tea, diet coke and smoke), and I spit when I talk!  You've been warned.  

So this is true:

Now for some grotesque before pictures so you can see how jacked they were/are. You probably don't want to see this, but here ya go anyways! You are warned! Look away! I can't believe I'm posting these! (Moira, you told me to take these and never show a soul why would I not talk your advice?!)

And this is what they look like now, 9 weeks later:

A little less jacked! I'll report back! So sorry you decided to see this!

Monday, December 3, 2012

'Tis the season (uh, you mean It's the Season?)

I don't love Christmas.  Neither does Brad.  We like the actual day, to be honest. We don't see or talk to anyone and don't do anything. We don't even give each other gifts, we don't listen to Christmas music or have a Christmas tree.  It's a day to spend quality time with our laptops, couches, coffee, maybe watch some TV and drink if we feel like it. It's good.

But I am a little jealous of the people who are bursting at the seams with joy at the thought of the season: people that get all starry eyed at putting up the tree, love the lights, the decorations, the singing, the wrapping, the cheesiness, the MAGIC {jazz hands}.  I guess it's somehow related to being an atheist (seeing as it's generally celebrated as a Jesus birthday party [though it is historically a secular holiday. Oh, I will not be getting into that here. But if you want to know more about my heathen beliefs: FisheswithFeet]) but I think there's something more than that for most people.  I loved it when I was a kid, and I was (unknowingly) an atheist then, as well. I guess it was just the presents and I was a greedy little punk?  And now that I live a life where I pretty much buy myself whatever shit I want I'm just a lazy little punk? Oh, this is a bit more of a depressing character sketch than I'd considered.

Anyhow, I'm hoping that when I have kids someday I will feel a little bit of that magic again, and maybe won't hate the thought of needing to buy gifts, and you know, do a lot of shit and then clean up a lot of shit afterwards (sidenote: I still haven't put all the halloween decorations away and will probably leave that sweet life-size zombie family poster in my garage forever).

I appear to be painting myself in a terrible light here. Part of my holiday indifference is that I really appreciate thoughtful gifts and generally fail at procuring and distributing said thoughtful gifts in a timely manner for Christmas so I'm disappointed in myself and the stupid Onion book and Phillies hat I buy Brad every year (in my defense, he always wears it and manages to lose it before the next Christmas) (Also, I bought the same Phillies hat for my boyfriend during college, which takes it to the next level of uncreative) (non-creative?) (Oh mah gah with the parentheses, I think I need parentheses rehab).  I feel guilty when I get thoughtful gifts and annoyed when I get shitty gifts* and also, don't care.

There was one year that we got a tree and had a little spirit. 2006. Here is some fantastic evidence:

Anyway, here is the list of what is going to be putting the joy in my heart during the most wonderful time of the year, this year:
  • 3 weeks off from work ( I KNOW! I'M SORRY! I HATE ME TOO!)
  • Watching a shitload of The Wire
  • Good Old War at the TLA
  • finishing up this ABA1 class (it's not horrible but enough already, school addiction.)
  • The Districts at Tellus 360 (fuckin yeah! Dec 21st! You should come! And sleep over my house!)
  • Not going to see the fucking Nutcracker at The Academy of Music (my mother's strange addiction, so boring the 11th time and every time after that)
  • Christmas Eve Eve where all the coolest people gather to get kicked out of McGillan's and like it. 
  • Laying on my ass and day drinking on Christmas. 
So I'm going to accept that as enough. We're not getting a Christmas tree or decorating our house (our new neighborhood is realllly Christmased up, so we're going to try and ruin it for everyone).  I might play a few She & Him Christmas songs if I need motivation to clean my kitchen if people are coming over.  That's my holiday spirit and I'm sticking to it. 

*Once my mother bought me a boat when I was a sophomore in college, living in (landlocked!) State College.  Yes, I said boat.  A really, really old mustard colored boat that got passed by a sailboat the one time we took it out.  That I couldn't tow and had nowhere to store.  Also, I didn't even have a car at the time.  And one year she bought my sister a full set of living room furniture and I got a pair of $30 boots from Target and her response was "It's not your year".  The boat year had apparently been "my year". Christmas has always been different for me, but it makes a good story, so I'm not complaining!  Oh, Linda, keepin' it fresh.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

I don't mind your cussin'

I've had a rough day. I hate vague posts as much as anyone, but let's suffice to say that I'm fine but some people close to me are dealing with some heavy, heavy shit and I've got that pit in my stomach and feel powerless and sick.  Way to cut to the heart of Thanksgiving, cruel world.  It's a terrible way to really feel the gratitude for everything you have. 

Now for something completely different, my mom brought a 4Loko to work with her on her first day of work at her new job! Go, Linda!

She thought it was an energy drink that my cousin had left in her fridge and pulled it out at lunchtime. Thankfully she noticed that it said 12% alcohol written on the label before cracking it open.  I mean, honestly,  it would have made a much better story if she drank it, but I AM glad for her sake, as I'm not (totally) a monster.  She then proceeded to show her boss and (again, thankfully) "it made her day".  I'm glad the boss had a sense of humor about it, cause that kiiinda could have gone either way!  When she got to my sister's for dinner that night she wanted to crack it open and drink it, but to a woman who usually drinks 1 (that's ONE) wine cooler, I told her it would probably land her in the hospital and she backed away from the Loko. I can not imagine what she would be like on that juice, as she is an absolute lunatic sober. That shizz is Loko!

Update on my mini-addictions:
  • We have fully caught up on Boardwalk Empire. If you want to commiserate and sob with me about the cruelty of the Boardwalk gods, I am game. Also, I know this is sacrilege for most, but 8 episodes into The Wire and Brad and I aren't really loving it. I have faith that the love will come, but Brad does not.  What to do?
  • I have replaced my Chinese food addiction with Thanksgiving leftovers but will probably retreat as soon as they are gone. After mentioning my constant desire for Chinese food to my sister, I found out that she has also been really into potstickers in recent weeks. Could this and our mutual dislike of saxophones be genetic? Really?
  • I have started adding back in some other music to my rotation. Ok, so mostly I have just been watching this YouTube video on repeat. Oh, to be able to write a song like that. It's perfection.
  • The pants addiction is as strong as ever. Stretchy black pants forever. Why don't I just marry them?
 Well, I guess that's it for today.  I had a lovely Thanksgiving and have a big wedding coming up next week for some of our favorite, favorite peeps.  Also, a shit ton of school work due, which probably means I'll spend an inordinate amount of time on facebook and twitter.  God, it's an exciting day-to-day existence. I use the word peeps like it's nothin'.

 Love y'all.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Smelly Pirate Hooker (with pictures!)

I had a super awesome weekend and just wanted to relive it as I edited up these pictures. So here you go! Warning: it's long and probably boring!

We went out Friday for one of our good friend's birthday, and somehow I got incredibly lucky to find that the thing he wanted to do was... go to the Elks Club to see one of MY favorite bands. Sometimes things just work out really nicely.  It was a hilariously eclectic crowd - a mixture of old people from the Elks that came up from downstairs to dance, your run-of-the-mill Lancaster hipsters, and a gaggle of hippies (Frogholler was playing after) including the tallest hippie I have ever seen.  Focusing on people's physical differences isn't really cool, but this was a 7 foot hippie with 4 foot dreadlocks. He was amazing! I hope I see him again someday!

I fell into my being old patterns of being a weirdo at shows, awkwardly ignoring people I'm with (and then awkwardly apologizing), accosting band members just to tell them I like their music (as if they wouldn't know by you know, ya know, my presence), being shy and mumbly mouthed when I talk to people that I approach. I have no idea. Insert additional awkward apology here.

Anyway, I had a conversation with Brad about my photography and what I want to do, I realized that one thing I'd like to try is to take pictures at concerts (which is kinda missing the point of music, but whatever) and he asked how I'm going to make money doing that, and I replied that I don't want to make money doing that. I just want to do it. Epiphany. I'm still timid to walk up to the stage but I it's getting a little better.  I took some pictures at the Elks but I had my settings effed up so I only got one that I like. Toy Soldiers was awesome as usual.

Maggie and Paul are engaged! These lovable weirdos have been together for 10 years. And no one else could be right for either of them.  He proposed in the afternoon, then they went to dinner with their families and then there was a surprise party for Maggie with a million friends and family members. I'm guessing it was 50 or 60 people.   It was the best surprised reaction I have ever seen and these pictures are horribly blurry, but they capture the emotion. Everyone was really happy.

And Paul's mom gave Maggie a wrist corsage and that pretty much made my life.

Sunday we got up super early to cheer for our Meatball and Mory (that's Moira and Cory) running the Philly half marathon. They were awesome! After getting there 45 minutes early and being super anxious to see them, I got one picture and didn't even see Mo and Cory at all, even though they were all together.  Fail. Julie was adorably teary eyed, Laura was a GREAT cheerleader (I had no voice from smoking too many cigarettes the night before. Not only could I not RUN like that, I couldn't even make noises. Loser.) and the family standing next to us with pots and pans for their little kids to bang was one of the most precious things I've ever seen. I liked it a lot.

Go Meatball! Great job Mo and Cory! Cory has an awesome blog over here. Sometimes I need to read the entries 5 or 6 times before I "get it", but once I found a typo in his blog which made me feel less inferior.

Later, I went to my very first Friendsgiving, which was just as cozy and cheery as I imagined a Friendsgiving should be.  Our friend Jimmy hosted and made a Turducken. It was a day of firsts!  He also made the most delicious gravy I have ever eaten and I never thought I would have such strong feelings for a gravy but I just can't get you off of my mind, Brown Gravy. Do you think about me?

Also, I ate the cutest and most delicious pumpkin pie with tiny fall shapes on the crust. Steph made it from a pumpkin that Jeff grew with his students.  Could you make me feel any less put together, you two!? Oh, you want to give me some of your delicious pie with apricot jam brushed on the crust and a tablespoon of cornstarch to help it keep it's shape (how would you know that?) and homemade whipped cream, IGUESSTHATMAKESUPFORIT. KIND OF.  nom.

All the food was so delicious and my contribution of a bottle of wine that I took from Julie's house was much appreciate by myself, as I'm the one that drank it. What an awesome guest.  In my defense, I didn't know about it until late the night before or I would have made some effort.  I bet? The hospitality and "big belly blues" were much appreciated.

Sunday night Brad and I went to a cool, local place called Tellus360 for a show (Andrew Combs and Angel Snow). I've wanted to go there for a while and it was glad to finally get it together and go. The setting was unique - dark, quiet and intimate with a super attentive audience.  The stage, lighting, and performers were beautiful and I got some lovely pictures. I especially liked Andrew Combs' song E-M-I-L-Y (and was thrilled to sing it obnoxiously at Brad, who was grumpy and annoyed with me at that precise moment. Torturing him is my bag! I am also thrilled that he doesn't read mah blog!). I took a little video of it but am too lazy right now to post it. Later, I promise.

Gorgeous, right?  My favorite band, The Districts, will be playing there on Dec 21st, and I am super, super psyched for that! If you are alive, you should go, not cause it's free but because it's going to be sick. But it is free. Word.

In sympathy,

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The spice?

      The saying goes "Variety is the spice of life." but apparently I am no longer a person who find this to be true (along with saying "Where there's smoke, there's fire" because obviously there are plenty of instances where there is just smoke. Such as cigarettes and most of the fires I attempt to start in the fire pit. I digress.). In the past I was the one arguing with Brad that I didn't want to go to St John (the most beautiful and perfect place in the world!) for the sole reason that I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE (THE HORROR!!). I always wanted NEW stuff.  I wanted to collect shiny, new stories of all the different things I've done, places I've been, music I've heard, shows I've watched, and exotic foods I've tried.  I get tired of things and am incredibly inconsistent with habits, bad and good. Anyway, I've noticed a few slightly unusual patterns forming in my life in the past 6 weeks.
  • I only watch Boardwalk Empire. Not one other show.  28 episodes in the past few weeks.
  • I listen to the same band's full album every day. Sometimes multiple times. While I'm driving to and from work, while I'm cooking, showering, cleaning. I try to listen to other things but I just.. can't.
  • I want to wear the same pants to work every day. I only allow myself to wear them twice a week and I am thrilled on favorite pants days. I pop right out of bed!
  • I only want to eat Chinese food.  Steamed dumplings to be precise. I try to limit this to once every other day, because.. MSG? Is this something I should worry about? Also, it probably can't be healthy to eat steamed dumplings every day for dinner. 
     I have no idea how or why this hyper-focus has developed or how long it is going to continue. I guess I'll run out of episodes and wear my pants threadbare and die from MSG poisoning at some point.  I can't even think about stopping with the music. Anyone else have this strange affliction?

       Earlier this summer I stumbled across this post and for some reason it really struck me, and stuck with me. Duh. Why would I not find time to do the things I find enjoyable? Why should I feel guilty about it? The thing that makes me stupid happy is live music, and it's not like I need to see the Rolling Stones every week. A dude with a guitar in a local bar, putting it out there, it makes me giddy.  I have actually teared up over seeing people on a tiny stage, letting it all go. I'm sure I was drunk at the time, but I just find it so beautiful to be brave enough to get up there and do it. I've seen at least 10 shows since reading it and I'm so grateful that I have changed my mindset.  What made me think that being an adult should mean that I should discount the things that I love doing?  Continuing with the new theme of my life, I've seen one band 5 times and another 3 times.

Consistency. Who would have thought?

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Spin the Black Circle

As you may know, one of my most prized possessions is my jukebox. It's my treasure:

And as I've also previously mentioned, I am not really into Barbra Streisand and Barry Manilow (ANYMORE!) so we've been switching things out. AND! It fixed itself! No more LOUD popping and scratching! My wonderful and generous friends and their spectacular mothers have been collecting 45s to help in our endeavors to curate the greatest jukebox (or at least the greatest jukebox ever in my basement). So when Lindsey's mom Valerie handed me THIS I might have squeed my pants a little! If you can't tell it's a box of hundreds of smelly, dusty, absolutely dreamy 45s.

As I started sifting, a few records hit me as a little odd...

But who am I to judge Dicky and his Oomp Waddle?

The next one had me questioning Lindsey's  psychological state as a child, seeing as how her mom bought her this:

Cheaper than counseling? (also: We care about you. We really, really do. And you are funny, I promise.)

  The next one seems like an innocuous, albeit strange Christmas song:

Upon closer inspection, I saw this curious categorization.

Yup, it's singing reindeer "Rap Music".  I cannot wait for Christmas!

And here we are, after plenty of sifting through hundreds of obviously stolen records (as evidenced by the writing: "Betty's - do not steal") I found my pay dirt:

I could kiss them. Thanks Val and Kathie and Kaity and anyone else who has boxes of old 45s they would like to donate to the cause! 

We are on still on the hunt for some Zeppelin, Elvis Costello, Neil Young, Queen, Pink Floyd, Crosby, Stills... , CCR, Bob Marley, Tom Petty and anything else that is awesome. New stuff, too, which is nearly impossible to find.  Who doesn't love the soft scratch of a 45 cuing up?

(Cuing? Really, that's a word.)

Monday, November 5, 2012

Mustache Meter

BREAKING NEWS: Julie and Joe are engaged! Seeing my Juice so happy makes me wish I could break dance! I think that might be the only way to fully express my joy at this moment and I am feeling stifled by my awkward white girl dance moves! Let's all give a cheer to the universe for making this happen, cause these two have moves, FOREVER AND EVER:

I just got called out for wearing Airwalks. Yeah, shit, I'm wearing Airwalks. I remember spending $70 on awesome (read this as: hideous) green ones to impress some kid I didn't even know that I overheard talking about Airwalks in 7th grade and here I am. I am just not feeling like a grown-up lady and trying to wrap my brain around it. My new airwalks are nothing like these but still ugly! I can't wait for the election to be over! I'm voting but not interested in talking about it and I know you don't care about my opinions so I'll keep them to myself other than my beliefs that nothing will change without campaign finance reform and it is no one else's business how you marry, even if they want to marry Airwalks, circa 1997:

Brad just told me he's growing a mustache and asked me what style he should grow. Yes, mustaches are so cliche and sooo hipster, but I would not think of turning this kind of opportunity down so take your hatin' and rub it in a mustache that smells like a cigar.  I told him I need to do some research. Feedback?

1. The most likely candidate, wide and fiery red (Brad is a ginger beard!). I have weird feelings for Seth Green! He's so tiny like an imp! Party Monster!

2. Or just a little 'stashe? Aewhh, I am actually, literally (and using the word literally literally) nauseated just looking at this. Challenge: can you look right at it for 3 full seconds?

3. And here is where this all devolves into the highlights of my google image search and I am reminded of the beauty and creative power of the human race. This also reminds me of when Mike Malloy created a full ring on his face by connecting his unibrow to his sideburns to his chinstrap and it was magical. Brad is hairy but he's no wolverine - perhaps he tries this one but throws 'em over his shoulder and connects them to his angel wings? TMI?

 4. This is just beautiful. I like to read it as "What is the meaning of life? Is there a purpose to all this? What is my role in this beautiful and complicated existence?", but I may be projecting.

5. And, scene.

 Laughter is the best medicine, besides Oxycontin.

My family is dealing with some annoying shit this week- my mom lost her job (she has another, so she'll survive but she loved that job and aargh), my grandmother was physically forced into a nursing home this week (which traumatized everyone) and we are trying to make some decisions about buying a business, etc... it's all nothing compared to the real problems and I'm mostly avoiding it but leads to an excess of wanting to be distracted and HOLYSHIT I'm great at that! If you have gotten this far you may be searching for the same thing! Apologizing appears to be a theme! I have wasted your precious, precious time yet again. You're welcome and I love your face.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Bug ZZzzapper!

So anyway, the 80s called and it said that maybe this blog isn't just about this house anymore. They just called to say they love me? And to tell me that I can talk about whatever I want to. Thanks, 80s!

Because nothing house related is happening. We tore out tile and wallpaper and it's just hideous and apparently staying that way until we get off our lazy arses.  We did have a party and I consoled myself with the thought that at least people will see what the place looked like "before" (if we ever get to the "after"). I'm surprisingly not bothered by it. The space is perfection for parties so that bodes well for the rest of my life.

We had no flooding or storm damage, and I couldn't be more grateful. My heart is broken for everyone dealing with the devastation of the storm and I cried while driving on the turnpike when I saw a caravan of trucks carrying generators. I didn't even really know what I was crying about but GAH. Global warming, HERE SHE BLOWS! I can't think of anything more terrifying.  It's happening. Let's change the subject.

Random shit in Three Acts:

Act 1: My favorite noises
  • I've been hyper-focused on a few limited artists right now. The coolest nerd. Tim Minchin is clever, political and offensive. If that bothers you don't follow him on twitter or listen to any of his politically tinged satire, though it would be a shame because he's a funny, funny, funny genius. His catalog is deep and varied and he has an Australian accent which makes everything better.
  • This. This is completely different but this album is perfect, and the band members are... wait for it... seventeen.  Album is pay-what-you-want so you have nothing to lose.  It's remarkable. I'm the self appointed Captain of the D-Team Fan Club.
  • Karaoke. I am a horrible singer but I really got the rush during Me and Bobby McGee and I'm hooked. Also my friends are the funnest people on the earth. I think I'm getting my nose re-pierced.  That's unrelated.

Act 2: Cat Statues
So anyway, cat statues. Did you know that I was given cat statues from three different people , unsolicited, unbeknownst to each other, within a period of 3 months? Also, I do not have a cat or care about cats? And so I have a collection and since then have been receiving multitudes of cat statues as gifts because the universe says so. If you come over and we are influenced I will take them out and introduce them to you and make a little puppet show with them and you will feel a little better about yourself because at least you're not as weird as me. Maybe I'll make a video for the internet and I'm sorry if you have read this far, I'm not making that video.

Act 3: Candy
As you know I am a budget braceface as well as a candy lover and it's Halloween. Brad was eating Mike & Ikes Red Rageous (why did they not have this when I was allowed to eat candy!? All reds, duh. It's what the people want!) in bed and I had to leave the room because I could smell them and I was so jealous. So I saw this list on another blog and decided to torture myself by spending a ridiculous amount of time ranking all my favorite candy.

Top shelf
Cadbury Creme Eggs
Laffy Taffy
Milky Way
Three Musketeers
Mentos (fruit)

I like this

Andes Mints
Baby Ruth
Candy cigarettes
Mike and Ike
Now and Later
Junior Mints
Reese's peanut butter cups
Sour Patch Kids
Tootsie Rolls
Take Five
Swedish Fish
York Peppermint Patties
Hershey Bar
Hershey's Kiss

Not bad/Not sure if I've had
100 GRAND Bar
5th Avenue
Chiclets Gum
Clark bar
Red Vines
Gummi bears or worms
Jelly beans
Jolly Ranchers
Krackel chocolate bar
Milk Duds
Mr. Goodbar
Oh Henry
Pay Day
Pixie Stix
Pop Rocks
Sweet Tarts
Fun Dip
Almond Joy

If I was starving
Bazooka Bubble Gum
Blow Pops
Candy Canes
Heath bar
Symphony Bar
JuJu Bees
Sugar Daddy
Ring Pops
Tootsie Roll pops
Werther's Original
Cow Tales

Reese's pieces

Burn it with fire
Good & Plenty
Atomic Fireball
Candy corn
Circus peanuts
Mary Janes
Necco wafers
Hot Tamales

Worst candy in existence
Wax lips (are you even supposed to eat them?)

Well, that was a productive use of my time! My love and apologies!

Monday, September 17, 2012

It begins...

We've finally started some projects! 

For a while, I was perfectly happy to ignore everything and pretend that it was all just dandy and all those silly plans to change a single thing in this house had never existed.  However, the pond was questionable, what with the blackish brown water and stagnation and wealth of mosquitoes swarming around us and biting our friends on their faces. Womp, womp... sorry, Kaity!

So we bailed it out, scrubbed it, refilled it, re-emptied it and cried on the inside. But then we found the fish! Twelve of those suckers were in there and we had never seen one in the entire month.  The pond lilies look all screwy after the big cleanup, but they are coming back.  We added a waterfall/filter to keep things flowing and keep the skeeters out. And now you can see the happy little fishes a-swimmin. Too bad I think fish are disgusting and I would prefer a hot tub in this location. I have considered getting in to swim, but the fish have convinced me otherwise.  But it is pretty!


And THEN, I came home from work to see this:

Oh, no!  You've killed my baby blues! Anticlimactic story here. He made it to the end of the hallway and now there is nothing but glue residue on plywood and even though I keep sweeping it, crumbs keep sticking to the bottom of my feet every time I walk through the hall and that is where we are. And no, I have no idea why he decided to put the tiles in a cooking pot.  We've started making some plans for replacing the floors and I am incredibly excited about them.  At this point we were inspired to keep moving!

So this weekend we decided to tackle the thing that I hated most - the kitchen wallpaper. Here it is in all it's peachy pink brown glory:

So we started to scrape. And we quickly learned that this could take our entire life. The wallpaper is waterproof and double layered. The blue wallpaper remover spray did nothing.

 One trip to Home Depot later, and enter our new best friend, wallpaper steamer:

It was still painstaking, slow going with serious risk of steam burns, but after a few hours we had THIS:

It's still a hot mess but a lot less peach!  We still have the smaller sections to go, as well as 4 more rooms of wallpaper, glorious wallpaper.  Prepare to die.

The last project was one I was REALLY looking forward to. If you know me, you've probably heard me blab on about my jukebox. It came with this house and it just may be our very favorite part (we actually asked for it in the offer!). But some of the songs were, uh, downright depressing. "Send in the Clowns"? "God Bless the USA"? On a JUKEBOX?!

So we went to the record store to search through their ridiculous, unsorted mess for the best 45s for basement dance parties. And we found AMAZING stuff and it was tough not to spend hundreds of dollars, but it is now AWESOME! And then I replaced the most horrible songs (there are still some that need to go!) and I was incredibly thrilled and we had our first Talking Heads/Cars dance party. And then it started making a horrible popping sound this past weekend and our hearts are broken. But we think we can fix it (or that it will fix itself, right? that happens, RIGHT?). Please, just humor me.

Oh, she's a beaut: